well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
