I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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