This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
