Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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