I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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