so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
