it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
