How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
