Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
