Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
