okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
