I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
