I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
