what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
