I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
