I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
