Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
