I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
