i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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