I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
