Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
