honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
