eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize