I don't think brook has ever known best
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
