Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
tequila makes me forget i have legs
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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