I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
