just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
