so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
