maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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