wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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