Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
