So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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