you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
