It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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