You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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