U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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