Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
