the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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