The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
