Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
