I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
