hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Someone signed my nipple.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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