Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
