Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
