Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
