Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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