I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
