before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
