I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
