i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
