I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
