dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
