I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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