Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize