Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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