hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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