I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
