Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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