I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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