if i died would you start the facebook group?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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