Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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