Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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