I think I won the penis lottery.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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