K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
