I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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