I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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