well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
