New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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