i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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