You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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