everyone is single if you try hard enough
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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