she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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