conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
