she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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