Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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