mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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