Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
